Stop ACTA

Programmers

Posted in Hatred on 19.12.2007.

I know what are you thinking punk. You're thinking, "this idiot is a programmer too". You're also thinking "did he fire six shots or only five".

I only took five shots and yes, I hate programmers too, even though I am one (can you see how good am I, there is no discrimination here, just pure, concentrated, unburdened hatred). Programmers are the most cocky, stupid, full-of-crap bastards who think they know everything.

Trust me, I know what I'm saying here. I have to deal with myself and a bunch of other full-of-crap programmers nearly every day of week.

So here's the thing: each and every bleeding programmer in the world thinks he knows best. Sorry, knows he knows best. About everything.

Programming? Best. Web design? Best. Database design? Best. Windows maintenance? Best. Linux maintenance? Best. Raising chickens? Best. Milking cows? Best. Being a cretin? Definitely best.

I am sick and tired of these self proclaimed Gods Of Knowledge About Everything giving me instructions on:

  • what music should I listen to
  • what icons should I keep in my tray
  • how should I design my website
  • where should I keep files on my disk
  • what is the proper layout for my code
  • what is the proper color of my underwear
  • why are you using XXXX application? I'm using YYXYYY, it is so much better.. (oh really mr. Jack Shit, then continue using it and shut the freaking hell up)
  • ad nauseam..

You know what I like the most? When some of my colleagues open my browser and say things like "why do you have all this shit open in tabs?" and close them all. Because, you know, that's bothering them. Even though it's on my pc. On my browser. So next time, I have to open all of those, because Firefox remembers the state upon closing.

I wonder how would they feel if they had 10 files open in Visual Studio, and I sit down, say some shit like "why do you have all this shit open?" and close them all. Then proceed doing my thing, like nothing happened, like I just did a good deed of saving their lives from those unnecessary opened files.

You wouldn't believe how often this shit happens to me. Every time I let someone on my workstation, I get my Firefox tabs closed, my applications closed, and on one occasion I had my debug session stopped!

Bleeding bastards.

Bugger off and kiss my bum (I know you crapheads won't notice two euphemisms there, so look carefully). That's MY browser session, sod off.

It is even worse when wise asses become programmers. I think everyone has met at least one. These people are the shit. Programmers think they know everything. These people know everything. From XML to Vim, they got it all in their incredible, amazing, super ultra mega giga blast intelligent brains.

Flash news, plonkers. YOU STINK. Everybody laughs at you from a distance. Behind your backs. Primarily because your personality stinks, and otherwise - nobody wants to be near a complete plonker.

Programmers: seek professional help. A counselor or a slave master (you could certainly use a good ass wh[oo|i]ppin') is recommended.

But to put it brief:

DISCIPLINE, GENTLEMEN, DISCIPLINE. I TALK, YOU LISTEN.

Here it is:

  • SIERRA
  • TANGO
  • FOXTROT
  • UNIFORM

Article comments — View · Add


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DataMuncher :: 29.11.2008 14:59:39
Great article! This is soooo true. I know I know everything. Although I wouldn't close other people's shit. Now that's just pure idiotism. Great article. Five stars.
lecterror :: 01.12.2008 02:39:37
I'm sure you know it all. You software developing plonker :-P

I have an article about football ready for months now..I hope you hate football too :-)