First of all, smokers believe that they have the right to smoke. Which is true. But I however, have the right NOT to smoke. The right I've been deprived of. So, by all means, smokers, please kiss my ass, the lot of you.
What's really impressive about the average smoker is his intelligence. It's like this: "Smoking kills. Yeah..I'll smoke.." One thing leads to another, and what they really mean is this: "I'm not smart enough to preserve my life. I honestly deserve to die. Yes I do." I wouldn't care one bit, because smokers DO deserve to die, we all do. They just deserve it a little bit more than the rest of us. What I care about is me not dying.
This is what smokers try to do every day. They are just killing everyone else. On purpose. Now, most smokers will say, no, that's not what we're doing, we're just trying to enjoy ourselves. Bullocks. You are quite aware of the fact that you're killing other people. This is why I would like to shove a widescreen TV up your behind. Because, you know, you'd be having the same look of surprise on your face we non-smokers have when you smoke near us.
Smoking should be outlawed. Equivalent of smoking, as far as I'm concerned, would be walking down the street with a carbon-monoxide tank, spraying innocend by-standers. Fun time. Or, how about this: I walk around and fart in your face. How's that for a hobby. Though, I would cause far less damage by farting in your face, it's less dangerous for your lungs.
Now that I've thought about it, I've decided not to hide my farts anymore when I'm in a presence of a smoker. If smokers are allowed to poison me and ruin my lungs, I at least deserve to fart in their general direction. (If you are a smoker and you disagree with this, shut the hell up. Asshole.)
Smokers are also an environmental hazard. They have this belief that cigarette remains are not trash. It just..you know..something that should be thrown down on the street. Not to mention the cigarette smoke. That crap contains over 6000 poisonous turds for us to breathe. What I really appreciate are those plonkers who are so addicted that they need to smoke while walking down the street. Freaking junkies.
Further more, all the smokers should be gathered in one place. Ordered in a line. Shot. I mean, we need to defend ourselves. They are attacking us each and every day. We can't just lie around and take the beating. Sort of a concentration camp for smokers should be invented. Like a place where we gather all the smokers, and put them behind a barbed wire and watchtowers. So they can walk around and smoke. And kill each other instead of us non-smokers.
There is something else I hate about smokers. Each and every freaking one of them claims that they could stop smoking any time they want, even TODAY. Yes, TODAY. Does it make you feel better when you tell someone you could quit smoking but you choose not to. You poor sod. If you really believe so, why don't you make your sorry ass mind and actually STOP smoking?? Let me tell you why: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. YOU ARE AN ADDICT. A JUNKIE. A MISERABLE MINION OF THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY.
For closure, a single instructional tip for smokers and non-smokers:
- In a nutshell: When you see a smoker, fart in his general direction.
- Details: Defend yourself. Don't let those bastards shut you up with their standard "I have the right to smoke" speech. Tell them to shove it up their bottom because both of you know that you are right. This smoking person might be "smarter" than you and have better education and all that crap. But this person is still below you as a character so stand proud and tell 'em to kiss your bottom!
- In a nutshell: You stink.
- Details: If I was a girl I would kiss you with a tip of a baseball bat ONLY, because your breath stinks worse than severe sewage leak mixed with dead pigeons. Walking near a smoker feels like walking near a 10 months old dead body of a pig, covered in manure and chinese food and cabbage remains.